Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Sanctifying Sacrifice

I’m not on a diet, I’m on a journey with Jesus to learn the fine art of self-discipline for the purpose of holiness”. 
Lysa Terkheurst, Made to Crave

I have often referred to the bible as a love letter. Christians boldly share that “God so loved the world” and Jesus would have died even if you were the only one to save. Of course, these are true! But somewhere in the church clichés, I forgot that Scripture is not just an archetypal story of universal salvation. The Word addresses EACH of my needs in a unique and powerful way.

Imagine my refreshing surprise when…over the last 6weeks of reading Made to Crave…I have seen a new theme arise across the entire bible. A theme that specifically tackles my issues with food.

At the very beginning of time and humanity,
Eve was tempted by FOOD!

Genesis 3:6 – “When the woman saw the fruit of the tree
 was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also
desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it”.

In the Old Testament under the Old Covenant,
the Israelites’ struggle with food sent them
wandering in the desert for 40 long years!

 Psalms 78:18 – “They willfully put God to the test 
by demanding the food they craved”.

In the New Testament, as Jesus prepares for ministry 
and ushers in the New Law, Christ defeats Satan's
temptation after a redemptive 40 day fast!

John 4:34 – “ ‘My food,’ said Jesus, ‘is to do the 
will of him who sent me and to finish his work.’ ”

In Revelation, God’s shares a vision of His promise and plan;
sure enough, there’s more mention of victory with food!

Revelation 2:7 – “To him who overcomes, 
I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, 
which is the paradise of God”.

After years of calling the bible a “love letter” (and calling myself a Christ-follower), it took joining this Made to Crave journey for me to see how the message of God’s hope addresses EVERY human issue…even my struggles with food.

You see – it’s not really about food anyway. It’s not as simple as replacing donuts with carrots. It’s about ALL the things that have, can, or will consume my heart more than Christ.

When I intimately understand food cravings 
but have to stop and ask if I’ve ever truly yearned for God… 
there is a problem!

When I spend hours chatting with old friends 
but rarely squeeze in a quiet moment of prayer or praise…
there is a problem!

When hours of Facebook-scrolling or Netlflix-marathoning 
are more appealing that time spent in the Word…
there is a problem!

The promise of Revelation 2:7 is for those who overcome. Overcome what...not to mention how? For me…in this season of life…the initial struggle was loosing a child and turning to food rather than Christ. It was only once I reached the end of my own effort that I began to see God’s fingerprints redeeming the loss and drawing me to Him. As Lysa wrote: “it is good for God’s people to be put in a place of longing so they feel slight desperation. Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for.”
 
In another season, there will be other trials and temptations. But this Made to Crave experience has reminded me of the bigger process and the deeper plan. Yes – the bible is a letter about love…but remember that His love calls us to purity and then fans the refining flames.

Dear friends, whether your current idol is the call of cake, the lure of lust, or the magnetism of money - - take hope! We are on a life-long journey of redemption...a beautiful transformation from sinner to saint! But chiseling a masterpiece is hard work. Deep cleaning always looks messier in the process. Sometimes it may feel like two step forward and another back. Keep faith! Eyes on the prize! Triumph lies in your very next choice!

“One wise choice can lead to two, can lead to three, can lead to a thousand, can lead to the sweet place of utter dependence on God and lasting discipline”. 
Lysa Terkheurst, Made to Crave

Victory is about intentional sacrifice that chooses long-term gain over short-term loss. Overcoming is really just a series of small sanctifying surrenders. So while our Made To Crave study has drawn to end, our God is just getting started!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Tripped up by triggers - emotional emptiness

“It’s so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness”. Lysa Terkeurst, Made to Crave.

If you’re revisiting my blog, you might have picked up by now that I’m a lover of all things WORDS. It’ll be no surprise then that the title “emotional emptiness” immediately peaked my interest. Despite being intrigued, I did not anticipate how deeply this chapter would impact me. Beyond dramatic alliterations, Lysa’s words addressed the core issues surrounding the last two years of my life. 

The loss of our firstborn child and the now 20 laborious months praying for another baby have shaken me in inexpressible ways. It is a heart-wrenching grief that makes you question everything you believe about life and love...about God and goodness. I kept telling myself I had “processed”…kept saying that I was “healing”…but an ever-expanding waist born witness to the high-calorie treats I kept binging to numb the pain of my aching heart.

So as I read Lysa’s witty-but-oh-so-needed chapter about “emotional emptiness”, I felt deeply convicted to STOP sulking...and STOP self-medicating! It is time to reclaim hope! Time to “park my mind” on the promises of Philippians 4:8:

It’s time to pray for Light. Time to reach out of mercy. I am still broken. But I am trying...with the only strength I have left...to be shipwrecked at the shores of Grace. To know the trials of this world neither define me...nor my Jesus. To remember that "good" does not mean "easy" or even "preferred". And to trust...even in this dark, dank pit...that I am never...EVER...alone.


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Trusting #TRUTH - no more "circling the mountain"

It’s week 4 in our Made to Crave bible study…

…the half-way point…the home-stretch!

If you’re like me, you may have expected to feel…

…half-way there…or nearly home-free!

But…even if you’re about to crest a peak….climbing a mountain can still feel grueling. This week, even Lysa’s chapter titles gave testimony to the fear I felt about passing the week 4 mile marker in this journey towards Jesus.

“It’s Isn’t Fair!” (Chapter 10)
“Stinkin’, Rotten, Horrible, No Good Day!” (Chapter 11)
“The Curse of the Skinny Jeans” (Chapter 12)

I LOVED these chapters. What an amazing God that THESE chapters would come up at the week 4 mile marker. My husband just left for a work trip and I have never been one to do well without accountability. When I’m alone, my resolve melts like butter and I am easily thrown by the wave of each passing emotion. Whether consumed by a moment’s loneliness, coveting a moment’s quietness, or caught in a moment’s boredom…past solitude has typically become a slippery slope of sin.

Coming into this week, I’ve been bracing for failure and riddled with fear. Several times, I’ve felt the following lyrics boil up in my soul. They’re from a song I wrote in 2013 to express the helpless/hopeless feeling of cycling in and out of sin.

A Messy Me (Galatians 5:17)
Miriam E. Lind (c) 2013
Click here for a rough vocal-only recording of the song; I apologize my keyboard 
wasn't working and  there's quite a bit of unfortunate background noise.

On days like this
When the sun outside is hiding
My skin feels damp
It’s cloudy in my soul

And I hate this stupid dance
Two step forward another back
Round and round in circles I go

You said You’d purified me
But I still feel so ugly
Don’t like the reflection I see
In the mirror

I know You’re always at work
But Your fingerprints they start to blur
When I get mixed up in myself
Mixed up in myself
Mixed up in myself

I guess that’s how it boils down
A choice between You and my own crown
What kind of obsession
Will I foster?

And I know I’ve sung it all before
Less of me and more of You, Lord
But each time I stand
I fall again.

It’s a push and pull – a  tug of war
A battle raging in my core
I feel like Adam and like Eve
Or Eden bursting into weeds

I know Your plan is to redeem
But it takes so long I feel defeat
Where’s the forest through these trees?
Father help me…
Father help me…

Instrumental verse….

It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free
It’s for freedom – he set us free


There I was…with that cry for freedom dripping off my lips, when I read these powerful words: “Either, we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above. Often, it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and ask for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up. The Israelites often played the victim card. I love what God finally tells them. ‘You have circled this mountain long enough”. Now turn North’ (Deuteronomy 2:3)” – Made to Crave, quoting Ruth Graham.

Wow. It was like Jesus jumped off of the page and grabbed my attention. “Turn NORTH! Look to Me. Come out of the shadows and into the Light! Take courage. You are not destined for failure. I will be your strength. My grace IS sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness!!”


These are the #truths that God is revealing to me! My past is only paralyzing if I give it power. My history only feels hopeless when I wallow in yesterday’s mistakes. Instead, I can cling to the promise that Christ is in the business of transformation. This journey is not about changing my habits…it’s about changing my heart.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

From Pimply Prose to Perfect Peace

Perception
A poem by Miriam E. Lind (c) 2014

When you are a cherry-cheeked schoolgirl
Bouncing on crooked knees during daily circle time
And they ask you:
“What does the letter A stand for?”
Your curious eyes scan crayola walls and
Your spongy brain soaks up every image and
Your self-assured voice quickly blurts out loud
A is for “Apple” and B is for “Bat!!!”     

When you are a pimple-faced highschooler
Hiding behind classroom walls and in library books
And they ask you:
“What does the letter A stand for?”
Your sarcastic eyes roll back into your head and
Your self-absorbed brain assumes that they mock and
Your whisper is “Apple” but your insides scream
A is for “Acne” and B is for “Butter face!!”

This week in “Made to Crave”, I was struck by two chapters strictly devoted to self-image. Between Chapter 7 (I’m Not Defined by the Numbers) and Chapter 8 (Making Peace with the Realities of My Body), I found myself examining the deep-dark secrets of my physical insecurities.

Of course there’s the hair – flat and straight…refusing to hold volume or sport any kind of stylistic change.

And then there’s the BLT – yeah…that’s right. The Big Left Titty. I apologize for the vulgarity but it’s simply true. Most girls have a “bigger one”…mine is just a LOT bigger. So between the humiliation of bra-shopping or attempts to wear strapless ANYTHING…the BLT warrants its crass nickname.

But if I’m really honest…

All the way back from high school

My least favorite feature has been and still is…my A-C-N-E.

I remember psychoanalyzing every picture for traces of pimples
And trialing several types of makeup in hopes of covering the carnage
And praying…literally praying!...that the zits clear before gray hair sets in 
(“Seriously God…I don’t DESERVE that double wammy!!!)

Needless to say, I could relate to Lisa’s “Tankle” story. It made me laugh, but it also made me realize that I judge myself more than I would judge anyone else. 

And…at least when it comes to appearance…I judge myself much, MUCH more harshly than Christ.

Dear God, thank you for creating me in your image. Help me to see my life...and even my body…through the lens of your all-encompassing Grace. I need neither the naivety of grade school youth nor the spitefulness of high school. Grant me fresh eyes and a renewed mind. Don’t allow me to be contented with complacency or to lie-still in laziness. I need your strength. I need your power. I need you.

Jesus…my sweet Jesus who knows the weakness of flesh and the power of victory…give me strength to walk this journey. For it is not about size. It is not about beauty. It is not about self-exploration or even self-improvement. You have placed this path before me to draw me closer to your heart. You are calling me to make a conscious and consistent choice to follow you - even with things that seem too little…and even with things that seem too hard. Grant me your power. Grant me your peace. In Christ’s heavenly name – Amen