Trusting #TRUTH - no more "circling the mountain"

It’s week 4 in our Made to Crave bible study…

…the half-way point…the home-stretch!

If you’re like me, you may have expected to feel…

…half-way there…or nearly home-free!

But…even if you’re about to crest a peak….climbing a mountain can still feel grueling. This week, even Lysa’s chapter titles gave testimony to the fear I felt about passing the week 4 mile marker in this journey towards Jesus.

“It’s Isn’t Fair!” (Chapter 10)

“Stinkin’, Rotten, Horrible, No Good Day!” (Chapter 11)

“The Curse of the Skinny Jeans” (Chapter 12)

I LOVED these chapters. What an amazing God that THESE chapters would come up at the week 4 mile marker. My husband just left for a work trip and I have never been one to do well without accountability. When I’m alone, my resolve melts like butter and I am easily thrown by the wave of each passing emotion. Whether consumed by a moment’s loneliness, coveting a moment’s quietness, or caught in a moment’s boredom…past solitude has typically become a slippery slope of sin.

Coming into this week, I’ve been bracing for failure and riddled with fear. Several times, I’ve felt the following lyrics boil up in my soul. They’re from a song I wrote in 2013 to express the helpless/hopeless feeling of cycling in and out of sin.

A Messy Me (Galatians 5:17)

Miriam E. Lind (c) 2013

Click here for a rough vocal-only recording of the song; I apologize my keyboard 

wasn't working and  there's quite a bit of unfortunate background noise.

On days like this

When the sun outside is hiding

My skin feels damp

It’s cloudy in my soul

And I hate this stupid dance

Two step forward another back

Round and round in circles I go

You said You’d purified me

But I still feel so ugly

Don’t like the reflection I see

In the mirror

I know You’re always at work

But Your fingerprints they start to blur

When I get mixed up in myself

Mixed up in myself

Mixed up in myself

I guess that’s how it boils down

A choice between You and my own crown

What kind of obsession

Will I foster?

And I know I’ve sung it all before

Less of me and more of You, Lord

But each time I stand

I fall again.

It’s a push and pull – a  tug of war

A battle raging in my core

I feel like Adam and like Eve

Or Eden bursting into weeds

I know Your plan is to redeem

But it takes so long I feel defeat

Where’s the forest through these trees?

Father help me…

Father help me…

Instrumental verse….

It’s for freedom – he set us free

It’s for freedom – he set us free

It’s for freedom – he set us free

It’s for freedom – he set us free

There I was…with that cry for freedom dripping off my lips, when I read these powerful words: “Either, we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above. Often, it is easier to play the victim than take off our masks and ask for help. We get comfortable with our victim status. It becomes our identity and is hard to give up. The Israelites often played the victim card. I love what God finally tells them. ‘You have circled this mountain long enough”. Now turn North’ (Deuteronomy 2:3)” – Made to Crave, quoting Ruth Graham.

Wow. It was like Jesus jumped off of the page and grabbed my attention. “Turn NORTH! Look to Me. Come out of the shadows and into the Light! Take courage. You are not destined for failure. I will be your strength. My grace IS sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness!!”

These are the #truths that God is revealing to me! My past is only paralyzing if I give it power. My history only feels hopeless when I wallow in yesterday’s mistakes. Instead, I can cling to the promise that Christ is in the business of transformation. This journey is not about changing my habits…it’s about changing my heart.

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