“It’s so easy to park our minds in bad spots. To dwell and
rehash and wish things were different. But to think on hard things keeps us in
hard spots and only serves to deepen our feelings of emotional emptiness”. Lysa
Terkeurst, Made to Crave.
If you’re revisiting my
blog, you might have picked up by now that I’m a lover of all things WORDS.
It’ll be no surprise then that the title “emotional emptiness” immediately
peaked my interest. Despite being intrigued, I did not anticipate how deeply
this chapter would impact me. Beyond dramatic alliterations, Lysa’s words
addressed the core issues surrounding the last two years of my life.
The loss of our firstborn
child and the now 20 laborious months praying for another baby have shaken me
in inexpressible ways. It is a heart-wrenching grief that makes you question
everything you believe about life and love...about God and goodness. I kept telling
myself I had “processed”…kept saying that I was “healing”…but an ever-expanding
waist born witness to the high-calorie treats I kept binging to numb the pain
of my aching heart.
So as I read Lysa’s
witty-but-oh-so-needed chapter about “emotional emptiness”, I felt deeply convicted to
STOP sulking...and STOP self-medicating! It is time to reclaim hope! Time to “park my
mind” on the promises of Philippians 4:8:
It’s time to pray for
Light. Time to reach out of mercy. I am still broken. But I am trying...with
the only strength I have left...to be shipwrecked at the shores of Grace. To
know the trials of this world neither define me...nor my Jesus. To remember
that "good" does not mean "easy" or even
"preferred". And to trust...even in this dark, dank pit...that I am
never...EVER...alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope the Lord will bless you with a new little one some day! I know all to well how self-medicating works out...my figure is also a grim testament to how well food works to fill emotional holes! I have found that the times when I was really filling myself with edifying thoughts, music, and people, were the times when it was easiest for me to park my mind on what is pure and lovely instead of the lies of Satan. I need to get better at putting the good stuff in so that I can avoid the wallowing that leads to unrestrained brownies!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lina. I do a lot better too when I surround myself with edifying thoughts, music, and people. God bless.
DeleteI love this: to know that the trials of this world neither define me nor my Jesus
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, Marcia. Have a wonderful week..
DeleteMiriam, sending big love and prayers your way. God is using your suffering to do something amazing through you. Thank you for sharing your unimaginable pain.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your feedback. God bless ~ Miriam
DeleteMiriam, Thank you for bearing your soul and for sharing your loss with us. Unless we have been there, we cannot imagine the thoughts and feelings of the last two years. However, we can imagine how BIG and how full of LOVE our God is. Oh yes, He wants you fully healed so He can continue to do His work in and through you!! Thank you for sharing from the depths. And for your story. It was the week for it... bearing our hearts together, from your other musical friend :-)
ReplyDeleteYes! Definitely a week for bearing our hearts. God bless, my musical friend! ~ Miriam
DeleteOh Miriam ... I know the feeling all too well.. I too have endured the loss of babies... but something someone told me once... stuck with me... Even though I lost them, Heaven gained them back... They were needed for a purpose with the Lord... <3 Hugs... and thank you for sharing! love the song
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss too. Thank you for the encouraging words. ~ Miriam
DeleteI am so touched by your story and your honesty. I had no idea of your loss and I am so sorry for your pain. I have suffered other things and know that words really aren't always so helpful. But I just wanted you to know that I am touched and that I love your writing. When my dad died, I was 16, people told me time would heal. By the time I was about 29, it was obvious that time was not doing it's job. That is when I really turned to God and He healed me. It took time, but I realized that time has no power to heal but God does. You are in the right Hands - those of our Wonderful Saviour and Lord!! May God bless you today and keep working inside of you as you follow Him! Sending you a big hug!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane!! You are right. Holding on to Jesus is our only hope for healing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzejd6r9DwE. ~ Miriam
DeleteI really enjoyed this post and it encouraged me to get out of my grief as well (secondary infertility...seven years!). I understand the pain you are going through, and send big hugs. I can say the Lord will renew your spirit if you allow him to work in you. xo
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouraging words! I LOVE your name...it's a light in a dark place :) ~ Miriam
DeleteThank you for opening up your heart and pouring it all out in Jesus' name.
ReplyDeleteGod bless, Linda ~ Miriam
DeleteMiriam,
ReplyDeleteYou have such a beautiful spirit and I want to thank you so much for pouring out your heart today. Philippians 4:8 is one of my favorite scriptures and I was reciting yesterday because I was suddenly overcome with grief and pain in my heart when I thought about our beloved daughter Erika, our 27 yr old middle daughter who was hit and killed by a car walking home on September 26, 2012-one week after my birthday and only a few seconds after saying" I love you, mom and I will see you in a few minutes and I replied, "I love you,too." Although I have peace because she is with the Lord, I need to as you say"stay shipwrecked on the shores of Grace." I never imagined that one of my three daughters would precede me in death. She also left behind two precious gifts, her son, Kirsean(7) and her daughter, Aeriyana(5) and it is our privilege to be raising them and I am so grateful to God because they bring me great joy and comfort. If it were not for His grace, I would not be responding to this post and I can tell you that this tragedy has brought me to a place with Him that I had not ever experienced previously. I am praying for you , my dear sister and thanks again for the post and the song.
Roberta ~ I see Jesus in your words.
DeleteIn one way or another, we have all know sorrow and God makes sure to shipwreck us for His own glory. Thank you for sharing your story. It is such a blessing to read. It brings me joy and hope! Kisses to your grandchildren...
here's hoping your Erika and my Clem have met up on the other side!
In Christ ~ Miriam
I am so sorry to hear about your journey… and yet, I find myself in your words. I now have two beautiful boys, but before we had either, I suffered 3 miscarriages and went through a few years of wondering if we would ever be blessed with children. The damage that those years… those losses did to me are deep, and I found myself thinking about them this week… thinking about and trying to heal from them, because I will never be rid of food as my idol without dealing with the emotional and spiritual pain of that journey.
ReplyDeletePrayers with you! Prayers for peace… prayers for joy… prayers for strength. May you always know that God is with you and he can make beauty out of ashes!
Thanks for sharing, Cody!! God is doing a deep healing in all of us.
DeleteThere are two ways to go through life. One is striving against the bit. The other is resting and being content in the place that God wants us. We cannot say to God I want to be an urn when he made us a clay pot. He knows what works best for us. Otherwise we are like the children of Isreal who looked back at Egypt and complained. They couldn't enter the promised land. Striving robs us of peace and we often will pick other things when we are saying we want to go this way when God has another plan for us. We can't see what's ahead but he can. How we react to what's handed to us is what is important. We often do damage to ourselves and others. We often need to choose to forgive ourselves first and then we can choose to forgive others. Self destructive behavior is often not forgiving ourselves, others, and even God because he made us a pot when we want to be an urn. Ask God if you need to forgive and who. Then ask for help not to strive. Love you.
ReplyDeleteAunt Christie!! Thanks for stopping by. I'm doing this blog as part of a Proverbs 31 online bible study. We are reading the book "Made to Crave" and I am learning a lot. I hope it shows in the writing. Thanks for your words of advice. Wise as always. Love you! Tell everyone I said hello!
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss and grief. How brave of you to write this blog. God bless you for touching my heart. PrAyers for healing for you
ReplyDeleteThank you. God bless ~ Miriam
DeleteI'm so sorry for your loss, Miriam! I had a miscarriage before I had my second child and it devastated me. I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing your story. Prayers and hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Candace!! Sorry to hear about your own loss.
DeleteMiriam, I LOVE your words "reclaim hope". Hope was what I'd been praying for and when God started that spark in me I prayed it would fan into a flame! Thank you for your raw honesty and sharing. I'm praying for you, sweet sister, to have a spark of hope ignited in your soul that bursts into a flame of fully throwing yourself in Jesus' arms even in the midst of your struggle and grief. {HUG} In all things.. even in this.. that we would more fully trust His plan.
ReplyDeleteWow, friend. That means more than you know. Thank you! And hugs back :)
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