Dear Reader (how breakDOWN led to BreakTHROUGH)

To the 43,000+ "Made To Crave" participants ~

You.

          Yes YOU. 

                    Who signed up for this study with a bit of hesitation.

                              Who wondered if this group would make any real difference.

                                        Who shared your hopes and dreams

                                         over Facebook, twitter, and blogs.

Our struggles are different - but our hearts are the same. Let me give you some insight on mine. 

I was married at 21. The saying in college was "ring by spring" of your senior year. Being a notorious overachiever, I graduated in 3 years and got married the following summer.

I hope there's no misunderstanding. The godly man I married was/is wonderful. We are deeply in love and I wouldn't change a thing about him. It's just that being married so young and seeming to have it "all together"…well, it can be a catch 22.

See, my family of origin is very broken. Neither of my siblings graduated high school. Both of them have struggled with substance abuse. Both of them have been in and out of broken relationships. And then there’s me…with a loving husband, a master's degree, a professional job, a steady income, a nice home... It’s hard not to compare. And it’s easy to assume I either have no struggles or that…at the least…I shouldn't complain about them!!

For 6 years – that worked out pretty well. Life was great. I felt happy. I felt whole. And I praised God for His Goodness.

Within 6 months – it all changed. In 2012, I lost two grandparents – and my first child. It turned my life upside down.  

I tried to praise God through the trials

I tried to find meaning in the suffering

I tried to hold up hope for another baby

But…time…ticked..on.

Months turned into years and I found myself questioning God’s silencing. Doubting God’s faithful. Growing anxious. Growing e-n-v-i-o-u-s.

Because as I waited...

                    As I WANTED

                                        Over 20 babies were born. 

You might think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. That's the truth...without even stopping to think or count. And it’s not that I wasn’t happy for other people. Time has taught me that you can easily feel two emotions at once. Peace and pain are not exclusive. Joy and sorrow are not contradictions. Because when you look at a woman growing with child – or – you watch a newborn baby sleeping – or – you press their silky skin against your cheek…you cannot help but smile! Babies are beauty and hope! It's just that, as those months rolled into years, the news of more expecting friends started to cut deeper and deeper. Each coworker, each church-mate, and eventually even random stranger

...their bliss fueled my h-e-a-r-t-a-c-h-e...

That’s when I started to REALLY eat.

It’s just like Lysa said – food is the perfect idol for a Christian woman. Who was going to say anything?! It’s just a second bowl of pasta. It’s just an extra slice of cake. With time, I noticed my portions were larger than most people's and proceeded to eat in secret. Jerky on the drive home. Chips hidden in the underwear drawer.

But because the underlying agony was so raw…

And my binging behavior inflicted such deep shame....

And I continued to (wrongfully) compared myself with those “so-happy” friends...

and those “so-broken” siblings…

I suffered in silence. 

This blog and the overall "Made to Crave" experience is the first time…in nearly TWO years…that I am confronting my emotions, confessing my actions, and praying for change.

It was hard at first to face the reality. Harder still to hope for change. I did not feel #EMPOWERED…I felt overwhelmed. But as I sifted through blog posts and facebook comments, I realized that I was not the only one. So many other people shared stories of heartache and hopelessness. But as these 43,00+ people...mostly strangers...lifted their eyes to heaven and held each other in prayer, a community formed. And out of this broken body, a single voice arose. They were all professing...

"I AM empowered!!"

"We CAN change!!"

“We WILL BE overcomers”

If you hear something enough, you start to believe it. And although I’m afraid to fail…afraid to be vulnerable…afraid to be judged – I finally feel #EMPOWERED. I’m holding fast to my #DETERMINATION!!

"WE were made for more than excuses and vicious cycles.

WE can taste success. WE can experience truth.

WE can choose to stay on the path of hard work and perseverance.

WE can build one success on top of another.

WE can keep "MADE FOR MORE" 

at the top of our minds and on the tips of our tongues.

And our eating habits can be totally transformed

as we keep asking, embrace our true identify,

find the deeper reason for claiming that identify,

and operate in the hope and power that's like no other".
Lysa Terkeurst, Made To Crave

This week...I moved from beakDOWN to breakTHROUGH!!! My excuses are OVERRULED and I'm learning that this is less about will power...more about His power. 

So reader and friend...

          

          Cheerleader and companion....

                    Thank you!

                              Yes YOU.

                                       For partnering in His purpose.

                              

                                                  For sharing in my journey. 

                             

With love,

~ Miriam E. Lind

P.S.  I'VE SAID NO TO A HALF OPENED BAG OF CRUNCHER BBQ CHIPS....FOR FOUR DAYS IN A ROW!!! 

P.P.S. THIS WAS THE BREAK-ROOM TABLE AT WORK THIS WEEK....I RESISTED IT ALL!! PRAISE JESUS!!

Proverbs 31 Blog Hop

The Starting Block - M2C week 1 blog hop (A Raging Battle)

The Starting Block

Tonight I weighed in…

I’ve been fearing that moment…dreading that number

I know I am more than my weight or my body

but Nick planned a date; we were headed into town

and I really wanted to wear the new boots

tan and tall – to embody “EMPOWERED”!!

Of course – you can’t wear thigh-high boots unless your pants tuck in

and the only “tuck-in-able” pants I own are those cursed s-k-i-n-n-y jeans

I pulled and I prayed

I puckered and I pudged

b-u-t   t-h-e   d-e-n-i-m   d-e-n-i-e-d

unlike my will (or my weight)

the size of those jeans remained fixed

their measurements were permanent

and as I stood there

with my stomach smashed under the button I’d forced closed

trying to decide if I could stretch the jeans overnight

unconsciously willing my brain to think about

something

          anything

                    except

                              that

                                     muffin-top

some long-suppressed thoughts crept into conscious…

This is the fat-cheeked face of failure

This is the butter-ball bulge of bitterness

These are the heavy-set hips of hedonism

I tried to crush the conviction

attempted to ignore the inkling

but a pattern started emerging

a reality quickly surfacing!

Over the last several years of

Disappointment – Death – and Doubt

          my crutch

                    my constant

                              has been food

I eat in sorrow – I eat in joy – I eat when I’m stressed – I eat when I’m rejoicing –

I eat to share community – I eat to soothe loneliness – I eat – And I eat – And I eat

When work feels overwhelming

And relationships strained

            Salt becomes solace

When the elliptical gathers dust

And the guitar goes out of tune

            Chocolate still cheers

When the smell of fresh baby skin

Pierces the air…and my heart

            Sugar is shalom

Staring in the mirror at the juxtaposition between too-tight pants and so-soft flab

T-H-E      R-E-A-L-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N      R-O-L-L-E-D      I-N

“This wasn’t really about the scale or what clothing size I was;

it was about this battle that raged in my heart…

I had to get honest enough to admit it:

I relied on food more than I relied on God.

I craved food more than I craved God”.

Lysa Terkeurst, Made To Crave

(a pause)

Could this struggle really be more spiritual than physical?

(a sigh)

Would a realigned perspective help me finally reach my goals?

(a tear)

Should I dare hope for a change heart AND a renewed body?

“David also said to Solomon his son, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished.” 1 Chronicles 28:20

I pealed off the pants and walked to scale

158lbs

Miriam E Lind

January 23, 2014